21 Before 21: Film Premier

21 things

Let me tell you something about sleeping on the streets of London; it is not nearly as fun as it sounds. Maybe one day a good friend of yours will propose such an idea, and you’ll think to yourself “oh what an experience that will be.” You’ll pack a bunch of snacks, throw on your warmest sweater and pay the extraneous price east coast rails offers for a last minute ticket down south and before you know it you’ll be getting off at Kings cross and boarding a bus to Leicester Square full of excitement. But the externalities of such an idea will quickly sneak up on you. Where does one pee? And sure, you’ve told yourself that you are a Canadian, you’ve experienced weather in the negative forties and snow to your knees and yet, you’ve never been this cold. This teeth clattering, feel it in your bones kind of cold. And as the night ranges on, from 1 am in the morning till 6 pm the next day you constantly remind yourself that you’re here for a reason.

Ages ago, in the earliest stages of my blogging I outlined my bucket list. I listed 21 things I aimed to do before I turned 21 and I am glad to say I have officially been to a film premier. Ever heard of a minor film series known as “The Hobbit". I was in Leicester Square for its world premier two weeks ago. Now I’m going to be honest, I’ve never seen a Hobbit film. In fact I only ever watched the Lord of the Rings because my father was quite obsessed with it. But my friend is a major Tolkien fan and had expressed her interest in camping out in London to go to the premier. And, like I’ve said, I believed it would be an interesting experience so I offered to accompany her if she was serious in going. She was, apparently I was too. Now I’ve always known the LOTR series to be popular, but it wasn’t until I was surrounded my two thousand fans that I realized how popular it truly was. Leicester Square was over crowded, smelt of urine and absolutely freezing cold. And yet, when I was lucky enough to find myself pressed directly against the barrier making eye contact with Ian McKellen and having Jed Brophy laugh at a joke I made, I realized it was all worth it.

I will say, Hobbit fans are very committed. 

A home made Smaug costume. 

This is my good friend Diana having a nap and attempting to bare the cold. 

People really liked this poster, I didn't get it, I assume it has something to with the series but seeing as I'd never read the book nor seen the film.

This was the a dictionary containing all the characters of the film series, my goal was to get the actors to sign on the character they play. 

This Jed Brophy, whom I mentioned before. I said I made him laugh. What happened was, I was getting him to sign the Tolkien Dictionary and he was a bit confused and asked to see the cover. He said he thought I'd asked him to sign the bible, I told him he could sign that too if he liked. 

This is Jed's signature

This is Adam Brown, he's arguably the sweetest person I'd ever encountered. As I said before, I wanted him to sign on top of the character in which he played. He  signed on the wrong spot and quickly realized it. He then apologized and I jokingly said "you could draw an arrow!" to which he obliged! 

Ian moved around a lot which made it difficult to get a good shot of him. But he did sign my book and he smiled at me and I loved it. I mean I'm not a fan of The LOTR series but I love X-Men!

Ian McKellen's signature no big deal.

Let me tell you something about sleeping on the streets of London; it can be exceptionally rewarding.

Wants and Wills

I don't have any major updates (not necessarily true I recently had a shopping trip in Newcastle and watched a Premier League match in Sunderland, but more details on those later) however I have been feeling many things all of which are quite positive and most of which I want to share. 

I've set out to replace all my wants with wills.

I want to travel and see the world,

I want to laugh everyday

I want to be happy

I want to live an adventure.

I want to be surrounded only by people who love me and bring out the best in me.

I want to keep reminding myself that the only things in life I can control are my thoughts and I want every single one to be positive. 

These past two weeks in the United Kingdom have been so enlightening. I am constantly in awe of what hard work and dedication have brought me. Preparing for this exchange was an emotional ferris-wheel and I am finally at the top overlooking the view and admiring my accomplishments. The opportunity I have has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people and see so many beautiful places in such a short span of time. I can't help but think, if this is only week two how will I feel during week three or four? Month four? Month ten? How much can one trip change me? Obviously a trip can only change you as much as you are willing to be changed but this has really been a catalyst on my journey to happiness and I have never been more excited. 

I will travel and see the world,

I will laugh everyday

I will be happy

I will live an adventure.

I will be surrounded only by people who love me and bring out the best in me.

I will keep reminding myself that the only things in life I can control are my thoughts and I will ensure every single one is positive

xoxo 

ps. It was my birthday last week, I am officially twenty how did that happen? 

The Battle of Yesterday and Tomorrow Against Today.

“You live in the past and the future, you spend no time in the present,”

My younger sister said this to me the other day and it really struck a cord with me. I think part of the reasons this resonates with me so much is because in no way was she aiming to be philosophic or pensive, we were simply having a general conversation over some Ice Caps (a Canadian delicacy consisting of blended iced coffee and cream, like a Frappuccino only better and cheaper) and she made an observation. Now, as an older sister I never ever tell my younger siblings when I agree with them. In fact in my mind none of my siblings have ever been right. Still,I'd be lying if I said this sentence hadn’t left me thinking. I'll admit I do spend a lot of time thinking about the past and future. Especially the future, but I’ve never thought this was something other people were able to pick-up on. I tend to (sometimes obsessively) plan my life out. I’m a notorious list maker but I’ve always seen this as being the only viable option. If you don’t have everything planned out, how will anything happen? How can anyone be expected to reach success without planning out his or her entire journey? I mean yes, being goal oriented is definitely a concept I’d associate with myself. And sure, often my goal orientation leads me to ensuring every action I take and every decision I make results in me reaching my goal. And maybe, when things go sour I reflect on the past decisions semi-obsessively and analyze where they went wrong and how I can reassess these decisions and determine success is achieved in the end, but is that so bad? In my eyes, like I would imagine, in many other these are in no way a fault, in fact many would see them as  extremely positive characteristics in moderation (wouldn’t they?). But, as I’ve come to realize life is made up of little nows and if I spend all my time thinking about tomorrow and yesterday is that not a wasted today?

            

I’m saving money for a rainy day, I’m getting the best education possible because this is supposed to benefit me in the long run. These are both great and responsible things. I bet in ten years twenty-nine year old Salma will look back at these decisions and she will be so grateful that nineteen year old Salma was responsible and level-headed and made realistic adult decisions. But what is nineteen-year-old Salma doing right now that makes nineteen year old Salma happy? What current actions am I taking that will cause nineteen-year-old Salma to pause and think “God I love my life,”

I want to spend more time thinking about how happy I am right now and less time thinking about how happy I will eventually be. I am aiming to; no I will start making my moments count. I mean sure, planning for tomorrow is important but eventually we will all run out of tomorrows and all we will have is today. Right? 

The Post You've Been Waiting For...

Since the beginning stages of my blogging I've noted the uncertainty that it encompasses. This is meant to be a blog dedicated to my exchange, my party in the UK as I've said over a dozen times. The party I've dreamt of for years on end. With every step closer to this possibility becoming a reality I've updated you, each time highlighting that I was a step closer, but not having reached the end goal. The unofficial yes' I've received in the last six months did little to make me feel comfortable and merely increased my frustrations. From being considered, to nominated and so on and so forth I've been on edge. This reached an all time high when, on June 4th I received an e-mail stating that my "application was currently with the relevant department(s) with a request for module approval," and that Durham would  "be in touch with  a list of modules approved by the department(s) as well as an appointment with an academic adviser upon arrival at the  university. " I mean that basically sounds like an in, doesn't it?. Of course the e-mail continued on to say things like "Students accepted for study at Durham University will receive an official offer letter of acceptance as soon as possible," implying that not all students receiving said e-mail would receive an admissions offer. 

My anxiety increased a week later when I received another e-mail which stated that I had been "accepted for two modules by the School of Government and International Affairs," however the other courses I selected would not be available during the 2014/2015 year. So I would need to send them an updated course list before I would be able to receive an official letter of acceptance. Finally, on July 8th 2014 I awoke to an e-mail finally confirming my place at the University of Durham next fall. 

Its actually funny how I got the e-mail. England is five hours a head of so, when I awoke at 6 am because I needed to pee they were already deep into their business hours. So, after returning from the bathroom I did what any compulsive technology obsessed teenager of the 21st century would do and I checked my phone. After seeing the e-mail I was so excited I couldn't fall back asleep. I lay there, with three hours of sleep still available before I had to leave for work. My heart was racing, my fingers couldn't stay still and I was the most excited I've been in a very long time. This is real, this is happening. I have been accepted at the school that has been both my driving factor this year while also inflicting indirect self-doubt. I got into Durham. I'm moving to England. This is real, this is not a false alarm. 

Obviously such exciting news requires celebration so last night I called up some of my oldest girlfriends and we discussed my excitement, my fears and my over all shock over food and drinks. 

Honestly more than anything I am shocked. This has been an idea for so long and the prospect of it as a reality is difficult to grasp. In fact I was almost certain that I wasn't going to go on exchange, as I hadn't responded to my Scottish offer in time. I'm so excited for what this can become and yet I still fear it all slipping away from me. I guess I won't feel fully comfortable until I get my student visa, and even then I won't feel confident until I am on the plane. I look forward to keeping you all updated. 

xoxo

Pathetic Fallacy

Look at some of the textbooks I spent copious amounts of money on and will never look at again. 

Alas, a new school year has come and gone, what an interesting school year this was. Pathetic fallacy, I always thought it was an unnecessary concept we were forced to learn in english classes throughout high school but I have realized recently that the way you remember an environment can affect the way you remember a moment. A few weeks ago I wrote my last exam of my second year of university. It was Political Theory, a mandatory class for 2nd year honour political science students and entailed analysis of five quotes and 2 essays on famous works of Political thinkers. I don't know how that sounds to people unfamiliar with political theory, but it really wasn't too bad. It's funny to think I am done with this school year, in all honesty the days leading up to the end of the year (I'd even go as far as saying that last year) has seen me at an extremely low point. Yet, as I walked out of my last exam, feeling relatively comfortable with the outcome I couldn't help but note how sunny it was outside. The sun was shining and I could feel the warmth against my skin and as I walked off campus for possibly the last time for a very long time I thought "this really hasn't been so bad," 

Except it has been bad, in fact it has been terrible. In all honesty I can't begin to describe how intense this year was for me. The amount of work I put into ensuring my grades would be good enough for exchange is indescribable. Below are some of the major research papers I wrote second semester alone. 

During the last  four days of the exam season I wrote three exams. I've shed a ridiculous amount of tears and attempted to find emotional support in anywhere I could. Of course it doesn't help that anyone who is in the same boat as me refuses to discuss their sentiments, and everyone else is either complacent with their academic outcome or just really don't care. Neverthless, the ball is out of my court and there is literally nothing I can do to change the course of my next year. It is either Durham accepts me, or they don't. There is nothing I can do to change this. 

I do however, want to remember that moment of warmth. The positivity felt in concerning oneself with nothing but the relaxation summertime would embody. It was so good. It is so easy I think, to look at my first two years and university and note how difficult its been, how much I've struggled or doubted my life choices but has also been a gift. There are so many people and memories I wouldn't have come across in the last two years if I had second guessed myself. Still, I am done my second year, I am half way to a degree and am hopefully three months away from going to the school of my dreams. 

I really can not wait to embark on this journey and share it with all of you 

xoxo

Rest in Peace

Comprehending things that are intangible is quite difficult for me. If I haven't physically experienced something, if I can't touch it how do I know the correct method of coping? How can we, any person be expected to deal with something, to move on in life when the life of someone you once knew has been taken? 

I don't understand death. I don't understand how life simply starts and ends and that is all that there is to it. How can I be expected to come to terms with the fact that existence is merely a candle that begins to dim as soon as it has been lit? What is the point, why do we live for the sole purpose of dying. It is genuinely all we have guaranteed in life and we are just supposed to accept this? I can't accept it. I can't fathom death and I can most certainly not understand it.  I especially do not understand this generation-y coping mechanism used in relation to death. What does posting a photo on social media change? Will it hurt less, will I begin to understand why someone I knew or cared about was taken from life because someone posted a picture saying "I will always remember you?" Will you though? Will you always remember her, or him, or even me? Will we all have someone who will always remember us? Because I'm  fairly certain their is no always, you will not always remember me because one day you will die too. This I can't bring myself to comprehend. 

How is anyone expected to move on after death? Are we expected to post a Facebook status of nearly forgotten memories to help us come to terms with your death? Should we rustle through old tagged pictures and share it alongside an ominous quote? What should we do? What should I do? 

Should I cry? 

I haven't. I've cried over death twice before and I learned tears will not spill over onto graves and catalyze reincarnation, murmured I missed yous will not in anyway reconstruct the ashes that once made up a person.  Please understand this doesn't mean I'm not sad. 

For you in particular, I knew you for three years and yet I haven't spoken to you in three years. It's shit isn't it? How time separates people, blurs memories and faces and tears individuals apart.  Still, we played along side each other in a co-ed rugby team for a while. We were teammates, schoolmates we were friends. I can't lie, I don't remember how many tries you made in those years, what tackles were yours in all honesty I vaguely remember the position you played. These things are insignificant, they don't stay with anyone do they?

Certain things however, they stay with people forever. I remember the jokes that were shared, your laughter prior to practice, your complaint as the coach made us run even more laps. We weren't the best of friends, but we were friends. And it hurts. It hurts me to know that you are gone so young, so kind, so genuine. It also hurts be to know that at twenty years old anyone can be taken from their friends. Their loved ones, this earth. Twenty is far too young. You were far too young. You will be missed. 

xx

It's a Party in the UK

I woke up this morning to an extremely confusing email. It said I was currently being considered for a second semester exchange and that I would hear my result shortly. Of course, if you've read this blog before (or if you noticed my title) I intend to do a YEAR exchange, in fact my top choice university, Durham Univerisy, only accepts students who are applying for a full year. So obviously this news threw me off. Both anxious, and exhausted due to lack of sleep within the past two weeks (I had six papers, you will not believe the number of tears shed and the I cants whispered) I went to our exchange coordinators office here at Mac and asked her what was going on. 

She basically told me Durham requires an even higher average to get into then the actual exchange program at Mac. At Mac you need a 7.0 to get into but to study at Durham you would need an 8.0. Because my first year average wasn't very high along with my second year only having 3 marks (due to full year classes not having posted their marks) this seemed unlikely for me. However, I spoke to The coordinator explained it to her and even shared the marks I've received so far this semester. Whether it was blatant improvemeant, or my almost depressing desperation The lovely coordinator (I don't feel it's appropriate to use her name) nominated me to go on exchange to my top choice uni. I chose Durham for a number of reasons, it has a reputable Political Science program, bits of Harry Potter was filmed there, but most importantly this is why I chose Durham 

Above we have a photo of the University of Durham. Honestly, we just don't have schools like this in Canada. I mean i love my home country, don't get me wrong but there is no comparison.

Still, because getting into Durham is so competitive, and because I'm clearly extra special the exchange coordinator also nominated me for my second choice, the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow Scotland. Above is a photo of Strathclyde although not as beautiful as Durham still extremely captivating and a step up from my current institution (no offence). Basically my coordinator is guaranteeing, or at least giving me as much of a guarenree as she can that I'll have my year in the UK next year. This is a major deal as you are only expected to get one nomination, in fact some people don't even get a nomination. Yet, I got two. 

As amazing as this all sounds I have so many preparations. I have my application to my host university due Tuesday and a lot of work must go into this. For example, I need to get two reference letters. I already had one done earlier on in the year so I simply asked that teaching assistant to reprint it, and then I emailed a different TA who I have a great relationship with and she was totally willing to help. It's amazing because it's super short notice (they literally have four days) but they are doing this for me and so I am eternally great full. 

I also am expected to make scary life changing decisions in these next four days (example do I want to live on campus or get a place to rent?) and all other university based choices. For all of us champs going on a year exchange we have mandatory meeting Monday night, unfortunately I work Monday nights so I'm currently in the process of trying to get someone to cover my shift. Regardless I am officially nominated to study abroad. 

Update!!!

Sorry, I started writing this post Thursday night to avoid homework and vocalize my excitement, but when I woke up on this lovely Friday morning the craziest thing happened. I had an email saying, and I quote "Your nomination to attend the University of Strathclyde as an exchange student has been approved," it may not be Durham, but it's somewhere in the UK. So regardless of whether or not I get into the university of Durham (and if I do I will chose Durham, for sure) next year I will be having my year long PARTY IN THE UK 

My goodness I can't believe this is actually happening. I freaking moving to the other side of the atlantic ocean.

xoxo

Online Shopping Haul!

Winter to spring is by far my favourite style transition. I'm not sure what it's like on other parts of the world but in southern Ontario we can go from -30 degrees to +10 in a matter of a week. Which means that in a short weeks time you have to revolutionize your entire wardrobe and prepare for the constant shift between sunshine and rainy days. But I think anyone who lives near where I do can agree that anything is better than the freezing cold days and crazy amounts of snow and ice that we've received.

To prepare myself for this drastic change in weather I dabbled into my favourite past-time. Online shopping. It's a certified addiction, but it's so convenient! My crazy busy schedule between school everyday of the week and roughly twenty hours of work makes it so I just don't have time to go out and physically shop, so this online alternative is perfect. I'm able to access my favourite stores (except H&M damn you) and can make a purchase and expect them to arrive anywhere between five to ten business days. But, who am I kidding, I almost always pay the extra for express shipping because I am a impatient and lack good decision making skills. 

Last weekend I went a bit crazy with the whole online shopping thing and prepared myself for my spring wardrobe, so I thought I'd share some of my favourites and must haves this spring with you guys!

I basically stuck with very comfortable and very generic spring clothing, still it's nothing like I already had in my closet. I've always been really self conscious so the whole shedding skin for the warmer weather is something that always makes me anxious. So often I've seen really beautiful clothing that look so great and so many beautiful girls, but in my bigger size I'm usually to nervous to try and dress similarly.  This year I promised myself I'd try. It's an amazing thing to do, but very confusing. I can go from feeling beautiful and confident one minute to being super anxious and self-conscious the next. Regardless, I'm trying to enjoy these super cute outfits! The clothing I bought could really be mixed and matched into any combination, but I thought I'd show you some of my favourite organizations of the clothing. 

From head to toe: 

Hat: Forever 21 

White Tank top Forever 21 

Mesh Cardigan: Forever 21

Black high-waisted skirt: Urban Outfitters

Knee High socks: Urban Outfitters

Hat: Forever 21 

Black Crop Top: Forever 21 

Floral Skirt: Forever 21 (itsnt it so Tumblr?! I love it ahah) 

Knee High Socks: Urban Outfitters 

I thought I'd give you guys a close up on the hats, incase you can't seem them in great detail. This one I think I might like a bit more. It's style is very much "in," right now. Also, it screams American Horror Story: Coven to me. Which I absolutely adore. I've always wanted to be a Witch!

 This hat caught my eye the moment I saw it online at Forever 21. I think it is so cute, it looks a bit like that stereotypical British police officer hat doesn't it? In fact when it arrived at my house my little brother thought it was for him to dress up as a police officer with as he's stated several times he wasn't to be a police officer when he grows up (if the whole professional soccer player thing doesn't work out!). This hat had met mixed reception with my friends and family, some love it, some hate it. But I adore how unique it is, and thats enough for me!

  Also, I bought some new make-up which you can't see so well in the photographs above. I only recently became a make-up wear-er so I am trying to quickly pick up as many tips as possible. As any makeup girl will tell you, liquid eye linear is absolutely nerve-wrecking. Thankfully, with help from Alexa Chung (who states in It that the pen style is the way to go) and super high reviews on Sephora I tried out the "Stila: Stay all day waterproof liquid eye linear," let me start by saying I have zero complaints. The application with the pen is a thousand times easier than I thought it would be, and the eye linear has lasted me an entire day but still removes easily enough when the time comes.If your in the marked for new eye-linear I would without a doubt recommend it!!

Now, I have an under eye complex. Its pretty genetic with many of the women in my family plagued with extremely prominent dark under eye circles. To be quite honest six months ago I didn't even realize this could be avoided. And then the magic happened, I learned about concealer (its pathetic how long I went without this in my life, I blame not having an older sister to guide me). Then I found this gem, the Christian Dior Nude Concealer. I know Dior has that association with being quite pricey but let me stress how vital this concealer is to my make-up bag. Being an ethnic girl finding make-up that actually matches my skin is nearly impossible, but to find one with lasting coverage, not chalky or too much of a matte finish all while hydrating my  skin? I could not be more satisfied. I honestly think this concealear is the greatest thing I've come across in my nineteen years I love it and I've tried out others and nothing has left me feeling as confident and flawless as this one has. 

Unfortuntaely, If you read my last blog post, you'll know the weather in southern Ontario has been so incosistant that I haven't been able to wear any of these spring outfits. Hopefully the sun will triumph over it's battle with windchill and we can truly have spring. But, I wouldn't put any money on it. Also, if any of you guys are familiar with Style the Natives (I adore and admire her), Charly sold some of her stuff on eBay recently and I bought something! I was too excited to post this so I kind of jumped the gun as it hasn't come in yet, but I'll be sure to update you guys when it does!

xoxo

Positive Thinking and Good Eating

Winter in Canada just won't give up. Just when you think it's about to end it hits you with a final punch, or in this case an entire KO worthy combo. This I believe has resulted in an entire community of people being downright unpleasant lately.Quite franky, I can't blame them, I mean have you ever woken up and just braced yourself for an all around shit day? Everyday this week has been that day for me. It's reaching the end of a semester which means I am currently facing a cumulation of assignments, stress and all around negative energy. This of course all sits ontop of me already stressing irrevocably over my admission into the exchange program. It is safe to say I am tired. Exhausted really. And my days that start at quarter to six and don't usually end till well after midnight don't make my situation any more durable. 

Still, I've recognized complaing isn't beneficial. It's not a solution and it doesn't make things any more bearable. The only way things will get better, is if I force myself to feel better. So I've told myself I am going to enjoy these next few weeks, regardless of how I feel waking up, I want to both wake up and go to bed happy. And the only way this will happen, is if I forced it to. So, I started this today by treating myself. A few friends and I decided to embark on a new place to eat lunch today so we ventured to the on campus bar "The Phoenix," 

The Phoenix's clientele is generally graduate students and professors so the scene is far more mature than the regular eateries. Which can lead to a pricier menu but almost guarantees greater costumer service. 

The architecture of the building quickly became one of my favourite aspects, it's quite rustic which I love. Older building have a certain charisma you don't find on other parts of the campus. I use older sparingly as the restaurant itself isn't too old, however believe the building only recently became the restaurant. But don't quote me. 

I'm not a very adventurous eater so I'll admit my choice of food was boring. Crispy chicken burger with fries and cheese, but the good thing about boring is reliability. It boring does not in anyway mean it wasn't tasty. It was reliable and extremely tastsy. 

Speaking of reliable, 

Yes I know I have the selection of a underager. But hey, it's good, has alcohol and is an instant mood uplifter. So judge me all you want. Speaking of judging I think my server did a fair share of that when i order an alcoholic beverage at half past 11 pm. But hey, I applied the age old "five o'clock somewhere," and enjoyed myself.

All in all treating myself to a nice lunch was a great distraction but I quickly realized you can't avoid work forever. No matter what happens the homework still has to get done but that doesn't mean your day has to suck. I'm trying to find a positive balance in the things i need to do and the things i want to do. I don't want to have to sacrifice one for the other. I realize how important school and work and what not is in my development into an adult and functioning member of society, but I also don't want to have to sacrifice enjoying my youth. So, I'm telling myself I will have more fun and do more things that make me happy. Think positive and be positive I guess. 

xoxo.