Rest in Peace

Comprehending things that are intangible is quite difficult for me. If I haven't physically experienced something, if I can't touch it how do I know the correct method of coping? How can we, any person be expected to deal with something, to move on in life when the life of someone you once knew has been taken? 

I don't understand death. I don't understand how life simply starts and ends and that is all that there is to it. How can I be expected to come to terms with the fact that existence is merely a candle that begins to dim as soon as it has been lit? What is the point, why do we live for the sole purpose of dying. It is genuinely all we have guaranteed in life and we are just supposed to accept this? I can't accept it. I can't fathom death and I can most certainly not understand it.  I especially do not understand this generation-y coping mechanism used in relation to death. What does posting a photo on social media change? Will it hurt less, will I begin to understand why someone I knew or cared about was taken from life because someone posted a picture saying "I will always remember you?" Will you though? Will you always remember her, or him, or even me? Will we all have someone who will always remember us? Because I'm  fairly certain their is no always, you will not always remember me because one day you will die too. This I can't bring myself to comprehend. 

How is anyone expected to move on after death? Are we expected to post a Facebook status of nearly forgotten memories to help us come to terms with your death? Should we rustle through old tagged pictures and share it alongside an ominous quote? What should we do? What should I do? 

Should I cry? 

I haven't. I've cried over death twice before and I learned tears will not spill over onto graves and catalyze reincarnation, murmured I missed yous will not in anyway reconstruct the ashes that once made up a person.  Please understand this doesn't mean I'm not sad. 

For you in particular, I knew you for three years and yet I haven't spoken to you in three years. It's shit isn't it? How time separates people, blurs memories and faces and tears individuals apart.  Still, we played along side each other in a co-ed rugby team for a while. We were teammates, schoolmates we were friends. I can't lie, I don't remember how many tries you made in those years, what tackles were yours in all honesty I vaguely remember the position you played. These things are insignificant, they don't stay with anyone do they?

Certain things however, they stay with people forever. I remember the jokes that were shared, your laughter prior to practice, your complaint as the coach made us run even more laps. We weren't the best of friends, but we were friends. And it hurts. It hurts me to know that you are gone so young, so kind, so genuine. It also hurts be to know that at twenty years old anyone can be taken from their friends. Their loved ones, this earth. Twenty is far too young. You were far too young. You will be missed. 

xx