Saying Yes to the Dress

Love finds you when you least expect it. 

A cliché as old as the English itself, or so I would assume I literally haven't a clue how old that cliche is. Regardless, it is something a friend said to me a few days ago when we were discussing my looming exchange. I indicated that I intend to fall in love with a nice British or Scottish boy while abroad and that lovely cliché was her response. She told me I couldn't go looking for love and actually expect to find it.I let her know that I am always looking for love. In her lovely and honest (but also quite brute and heartbreaking)manner she told me that is why I haven't found love. Or even really like, or even just like. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Now, although I do not subscribe to this love finds you when you least expect it school of thought, I have had unintentional encounters with it. Second hand of course. You see my darling older cousin started dating a boy a while back. And fast forward six months and... Well

Here we are wedding dress shopping. 

Let me just say, was it ever an interesting experience. I didn't think a nineteen year old is meant to be prepared to be a bridesmaid, but I don't think my cousin thought at twenty-one she'd be getting married. It's absolute madness. 

Nevertheless I love shopping. And shopping for a wedding dress is absolutely amazing. We were at a cute boutique in Toronto, and although I don't think I was supposed to I had to snap some pictures. 

They had a lot of "example," decor, so I imagine this is an example of a bouquet? Maybe a centre piece? I don't know I just know it's pretty 

This is definetly a centre piece. I think. Again, it's pretty so does it matter what it is? 

I'm almost certain this is a bouquet. 

The entire boutique  was adorable

Even the fitting rooms look like something out of a fairytale! 

Again, I do apologize because I wasn't entirely sure if I was allowed to take pictures because there were couture dresses laying around and taking unauthorized pictures of those would be an issue, so forgive the shitty angles on some of these. 

Also, if you were wondering she said yes to the dress. It was a joyous occasion, while sipping our expresso she announced and they offered champagne. It's official. Sadly, dear reader, you won't get to see that for a another few months. Also, if you were wondering she hasn't selected a bridesmaid dress yet, she's planning on going coral which doesn't bother me, I mean coral seems to have become generic but I do look relatively good in that colour. Besides, it's not my day so I really have little say. 

xox

ps. Preparing for this wedding just reminds me of my sad and lonely life.

Boys.

I feel like I’ve had one conversation on loop recently. You see, I’m turning twenty and I currently have friends who have already turned twenty. I also have friends who are engaged. As in I have friends who are twenty and are engaged, to be married. Married to real and functioning human beings. One of my childhood best friends is planning a wedding; she’s asked me to be a bridesmaid. So, here I am, almost twenty and preparing to be a bridesmaid to a real life wedding, when I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Do you recall me talking about how I am Valentines Day cursed? (No? what are you waiting for read it) I am also boyfriend cursed. In the seventh grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend, and since I saw myself as being a twelve year old who was not ready for a relationship I did what any mature twelve year old would do. I told him I’d think about it. And I told him that everyday for two weeks. Finally, I was asked to make a decision on the spot and I said no. Shortly after I broke it to him he came up to me and told me “It was a good thing [I] said no,” because he had asked someone else out following my rejection and she’d accepted. She was a far better catch. Since my seventh-grade scandal exactly zero guys have asked me to be their girlfriends. (Or out… at all…like ever). 

This tale of despair has not put me off from believing I will one day meet someone. I’ve already envisioned how I’m going to meet the love of my life. It's going to happen at a book store, where I’ll pick up a title that peaks my interest and the mysteriously handsome boy to my left who has a stunning smirk will comment on it. He’ll probably make fun of my novel choice; I’ll argue, insisting that I absolutely adore the author. He’ll recommend something and I’ll be intrigued enough to read it. He’ll leave me his phone number and shortly after we’ll meet over coffee and discuss his novel. I’ll admit I liked it, but I liked my choice just fine too. From there we'll develop a loving relationship where we share a mutual love for reading, but find comfort in different genres. Sadly, this just isn’t how people meet anymore is it? Most of the relationships I hear of now begin on Tinder or with the ever alluring “He added me on Facebook, first,” It just baffles me, that people are content with this. I’ll admit, I’m jealous and idealistic. I’m jealous that people are in happy functioning relationship and I’m idealistic because I’ve read far too many John Green novels. I have a vision of what love should be, and it just doesn’t seem to add up to what love actually is. This coming from my uninvested, biased, second-person perspective because obviously I don’t know what love is actually like, I cant even get boys to smile at me, let alone date me.

Thankfully I’m young, all hope is not lost. I still have the chance to meet guys, I mean once a boy winked at me in the hallway. That had to have meant something, right? Its frustrating though, I wont lie. I’m at this stage where I want to get to know boys and establish a real relationship of communication and romance and excitement, but most of the guys I know are so jet-set on a quick hit and run it is repulsive. Of course this may simply be the boys I know, not all boys. Honestly, I think what really bothers me is that my friends are twenty and are getting engaged and I’m almost twenty and have never had a boyfriend. I know people who have been in serial relationships since the fourth grade all I've accomplished since the fourth grade is completing the Harry Potter novel series (twice). Still, I never saw myself as the type to be married young, in fact I think being engaged at nineteen is absolutely Ludacris. However, my friends who are engaged have obviously found something fulfilling in someone and that is admirable. Not, admirable really, its downright unfair. But I think I'm slowly coming to understand that not everyone meets that person in their life. Lots of people don't get married, some people don't fall in love. Hardly anyone gets that fairytale ending. I think its more statistically probably that I'll end up alone than with someone, so I should just come to terms with that shouldn't I? It's a sad realization but it seems like a necessary one. 

 Ugh… why won’t boys just date me?

Valentines Day

When I was in the eighth grade a boy approached me in front of the whole class and asked me to be his valentine. He presented me with a cute little teddy bear that held a heart and loaned me a copy of his Twilight, it was the eight grade equivalent of romantic. What did I respond you ask? Well to be quite honest I don’t really remember, in fact I’m pretty sure I ran away. It’s safe to say I didn’t handle that situation well. I remember being flustered and unable to formulate a sentence and to be quite honest… I’ve erased the rest of the particular moment from my memory. The guy was nice, we were good friends (and now, six years later we still like each others Facebook activity just to be nice). Honestly, I truly regret it… it was so undeniably preteen. Mind the excuses but really, I didn’t know how to react. I do remember shortly after the boy publically asking me to be his valentine, he privately apologized for putting me on the spot. He apologized for asking me. Even though I ran away. God… could I be a bigger douche? The reason I’m rehashing this painfully embarrassing story is to explain something to you guys I’m valentines cursed. Publically rejecting him was the first and last time anyone asked me to be their valentine.

Yes I know, a generic post about Valentines Day. But, the thing about with valentines day is that its so hard to ignore. From the bitter posts from the single people you know, to the vomit inducing “I love you babies,” of couples, valentines day is everywhere. I can’t even count the number of girls on my university campus carrying flowers or chocolates today. In fact, the fellow opposite me on the train is on the phone with a friend talking about what they got their significant others for valentines day (if you’re wondering it’s was a card and a headache).  

Here’s the thing… I don’t hate Valentines Day. I’m not going to be a typical single nineteen year old girl who clutches a bottle of wine, an empty box of chocolates and weeps incoherent I’m gonna die alooooone’s. Or at least…. Ill try not to be. This is because, all PTSD from the eight grade aside, I genuinely like valentines day. I envy the girls and boys who have someone in their life that they're excited to spend the day with, I envy the building excitement of questioning what the day will entail, I even envy those particularly pretentious couples who are all “oh I hate valentines day.” It may be because I am kind of a romantic, It maybe because I hope one day I’ll be able to spend Valentines Day with someone special, maybe I even hope that we’ll talk about how pointless and commerical Valentines Day is, but, at least I’ll have someone to do it with. I’m a firm believer in love, that we should all be able to experience it. I so badly want to experience it, but until then I’ll live vicariously through those who do. So if you have someone to spend valentines day with, don’t be a bitch. Just enjoy it.

xoxo.