Bridesmaid Behind the Lens

Forever ago I mentioned that my older cousin was getting married, well the magical day has come and gone and all thats left of it are the memories that remain, the pictures that were taken and well the new Mr&Mrs that it celebrated. I was lucky enough to be selected as a bridesmaid but in reality I fore-gave all my bridesmaid duties on the day of and voluntarily stayed behind my lens. I wanted to document the pre-wedding preparations as they occurred. This meant grabbing my camera at the crack of dawn and taking pictures of everything as they occurred.

 We rose with the sun that morning with only one goal in mind -making memories.

My aunt and uncle busted out all the stops for their only daughters big day, among the bridesmaid, bride and family members getting married was a camera man who filmed all the shenanigans. 

Along side the camera man they also hired a professional mac make-up artists to pretty us all up. 

Of course after a while I was yelled at for taking so many pictures and not actually getting ready so I had to put my camera down and left the rest of the documenting to the professional, who lets face it, probably did a far better job. It was both a fun and stressful day, and I hope I was able to capture even a fraction of the beauty this day encompasses because believe when I say it was beautiful and the bride looked flawless. Also, you may have noticed I was lacking in any of these pictures however my Instagram is full of shameless selfless from the night so if you're interested give me a follow here

xoxo 

Saying Yes to the Dress

Love finds you when you least expect it. 

A cliché as old as the English itself, or so I would assume I literally haven't a clue how old that cliche is. Regardless, it is something a friend said to me a few days ago when we were discussing my looming exchange. I indicated that I intend to fall in love with a nice British or Scottish boy while abroad and that lovely cliché was her response. She told me I couldn't go looking for love and actually expect to find it.I let her know that I am always looking for love. In her lovely and honest (but also quite brute and heartbreaking)manner she told me that is why I haven't found love. Or even really like, or even just like. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Now, although I do not subscribe to this love finds you when you least expect it school of thought, I have had unintentional encounters with it. Second hand of course. You see my darling older cousin started dating a boy a while back. And fast forward six months and... Well

Here we are wedding dress shopping. 

Let me just say, was it ever an interesting experience. I didn't think a nineteen year old is meant to be prepared to be a bridesmaid, but I don't think my cousin thought at twenty-one she'd be getting married. It's absolute madness. 

Nevertheless I love shopping. And shopping for a wedding dress is absolutely amazing. We were at a cute boutique in Toronto, and although I don't think I was supposed to I had to snap some pictures. 

They had a lot of "example," decor, so I imagine this is an example of a bouquet? Maybe a centre piece? I don't know I just know it's pretty 

This is definetly a centre piece. I think. Again, it's pretty so does it matter what it is? 

I'm almost certain this is a bouquet. 

The entire boutique  was adorable

Even the fitting rooms look like something out of a fairytale! 

Again, I do apologize because I wasn't entirely sure if I was allowed to take pictures because there were couture dresses laying around and taking unauthorized pictures of those would be an issue, so forgive the shitty angles on some of these. 

Also, if you were wondering she said yes to the dress. It was a joyous occasion, while sipping our expresso she announced and they offered champagne. It's official. Sadly, dear reader, you won't get to see that for a another few months. Also, if you were wondering she hasn't selected a bridesmaid dress yet, she's planning on going coral which doesn't bother me, I mean coral seems to have become generic but I do look relatively good in that colour. Besides, it's not my day so I really have little say. 

xox

ps. Preparing for this wedding just reminds me of my sad and lonely life.

Boys.

I feel like I’ve had one conversation on loop recently. You see, I’m turning twenty and I currently have friends who have already turned twenty. I also have friends who are engaged. As in I have friends who are twenty and are engaged, to be married. Married to real and functioning human beings. One of my childhood best friends is planning a wedding; she’s asked me to be a bridesmaid. So, here I am, almost twenty and preparing to be a bridesmaid to a real life wedding, when I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Do you recall me talking about how I am Valentines Day cursed? (No? what are you waiting for read it) I am also boyfriend cursed. In the seventh grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend, and since I saw myself as being a twelve year old who was not ready for a relationship I did what any mature twelve year old would do. I told him I’d think about it. And I told him that everyday for two weeks. Finally, I was asked to make a decision on the spot and I said no. Shortly after I broke it to him he came up to me and told me “It was a good thing [I] said no,” because he had asked someone else out following my rejection and she’d accepted. She was a far better catch. Since my seventh-grade scandal exactly zero guys have asked me to be their girlfriends. (Or out… at all…like ever). 

This tale of despair has not put me off from believing I will one day meet someone. I’ve already envisioned how I’m going to meet the love of my life. It's going to happen at a book store, where I’ll pick up a title that peaks my interest and the mysteriously handsome boy to my left who has a stunning smirk will comment on it. He’ll probably make fun of my novel choice; I’ll argue, insisting that I absolutely adore the author. He’ll recommend something and I’ll be intrigued enough to read it. He’ll leave me his phone number and shortly after we’ll meet over coffee and discuss his novel. I’ll admit I liked it, but I liked my choice just fine too. From there we'll develop a loving relationship where we share a mutual love for reading, but find comfort in different genres. Sadly, this just isn’t how people meet anymore is it? Most of the relationships I hear of now begin on Tinder or with the ever alluring “He added me on Facebook, first,” It just baffles me, that people are content with this. I’ll admit, I’m jealous and idealistic. I’m jealous that people are in happy functioning relationship and I’m idealistic because I’ve read far too many John Green novels. I have a vision of what love should be, and it just doesn’t seem to add up to what love actually is. This coming from my uninvested, biased, second-person perspective because obviously I don’t know what love is actually like, I cant even get boys to smile at me, let alone date me.

Thankfully I’m young, all hope is not lost. I still have the chance to meet guys, I mean once a boy winked at me in the hallway. That had to have meant something, right? Its frustrating though, I wont lie. I’m at this stage where I want to get to know boys and establish a real relationship of communication and romance and excitement, but most of the guys I know are so jet-set on a quick hit and run it is repulsive. Of course this may simply be the boys I know, not all boys. Honestly, I think what really bothers me is that my friends are twenty and are getting engaged and I’m almost twenty and have never had a boyfriend. I know people who have been in serial relationships since the fourth grade all I've accomplished since the fourth grade is completing the Harry Potter novel series (twice). Still, I never saw myself as the type to be married young, in fact I think being engaged at nineteen is absolutely Ludacris. However, my friends who are engaged have obviously found something fulfilling in someone and that is admirable. Not, admirable really, its downright unfair. But I think I'm slowly coming to understand that not everyone meets that person in their life. Lots of people don't get married, some people don't fall in love. Hardly anyone gets that fairytale ending. I think its more statistically probably that I'll end up alone than with someone, so I should just come to terms with that shouldn't I? It's a sad realization but it seems like a necessary one. 

 Ugh… why won’t boys just date me?