Sunday, 3 August 2014

A Beginners Guide to Introversion … ?

This s not a post dedicated to guiding people through introversion. Instead, I seek guidance as it has recently come to my attention that I am an introvert.

I’ve always believed myself to be an extroverted person. I’ve made friends easily; I’m fairly talented at making first impressions and hey, I’ve always faired well at public speaking and presentations. I thought this made me an extrovert. This is what the media constructed world has led us to believe right? People persons are extroverts, and everyone who isn’t lucky enough to have such sought after traits are introverts. We should aim to be extroverted, to go parties, to be well liked. We should walk into a room wanting all heads to turn in our direction and we are meant to thrive off of said attention, are we not?  We should be extroverted. Of course no one likes to be told what to do and not meeting such criteria can be upsetting, so to combat this the internet did what the internet does best and flipped this and constructed a new norm. Instead of seeking to be an extrovert, awkward kids with a stutters became the new “it.” Fuck the extroverts. They chorus through their rampant blog posts about how being alone is a vital stop on the journey to self-comprehension. Fuck the kids who would rather go to a party then watch the latest Scorsese film, their followers agree, beginning to grasp that social activities don’t define happiness and whatever brings one true joy should be explored. For introverts like to be alone, introverts like to read and like to justify their content with being alone by accusing all extroverts as simply trying to fill the void knowledge has left them in the hope of accumulating popularity. We live in a world where introverts and extroverts are dichotomies, quite like happy and sad. As obviously the spectrum of human emotions have left us with only happy and sad to truly define how we feel.
 Unfortunately for the most part this was my novice understanding of introversion and extroversion and their role in human personalities. Funny enough on a Saturday night (where I left a friends text message un-answered because I simply didn’t feel like going to a bar) I found myself doing a personality test, INTJ was the result. Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging. Not necessarily traits I’d associate with myself. Well judging maybe , but not in the sense that this test implied. To ensure this result was accurate i did this test multiple times, changed some answers I was on the fence of and yet my personality remained the same. I mean, yes I like to read and I do enjoy watching films and maybe some of my preferred activities are quite solidary. But that is not to say that every week I’d avoid text messages because my one true friend is my MacBook, no sometimes more than anything I want to drown myself in the attention of others and let their admirations and discussions of me grow into a life sized version of myself so that I too can fawn over it (I am deeply regretting that sentence and yet I can’t bring myself to delete it). And really the in depth analysis looked at rationality, and practicality and basically told me I was a genius with emotional issues (half true) but I just couldn’t identify with all of it. Some of it yes, but other parts felt so foreign and unlike me, I felt it really was inaccurate.

I’ve come to understand the introversion doesn’t mean anti-social it means expanding energy and levels of comfort. However, I’ve found levels of comfort to be based far more on situation than on disposition. I think what I’m trying to say in this drawn out post that got quite offensive quite quickly is that personality is fluid, and maybe it doesn’t necessarily lean in one direction. Or maybe mine just is.  Maybe instead of asking whether I consider myself a “dreamer,” or being “down-to-earth,” I should ask myself why some days I am anything but rational and down to earth and why other days I suppress my greatest dreams in exchange for rationality. Why is it someday all I want is everyone’s attention and others all I want it to really know myself? I just can’t imagine that any person genuinely feels completely and utterly comfortable putting themselves in a box of sixteen and expect every trait listed under their sub-heading to fit. Of course, this complete and utter over analysis does seem to fit the shoes of an INTJ. But can we honestly say we don’t read into the result we get (ie. I did kind of feel this  way that one time, omg I am an INTJ). Maybe all people don’t have this issue with personality test, I mean a fault of an INTJ is that we apparently have issues grasping emotions and appropriate behavior that can not be calculated and maybe this is just one of those moments. Maybe I’m just a little bit confused because this test has spelled me out to be someone I don’t really recognize, but maybe that can just be attributed to growth. Maybe I am changing? But, wouldn’t that indicate that personality is in fact fluid, maybe I should take this test every few months to really see my growth and development. I’ve come to realize I hate receiving an answer from personality test, I honestly don’t care if I’m and introvert or an extrovert, I mean what does it matter in anyway?  I am officially putting them in the same box as horoscopes, however I do appreciate it for taking me on this journey of introspection. I’ve found that the best part about doing a personality test is your learn a lot about yourself, although not in the matter the test had hoped. And even if it leaves you with more questions than answers, at least they are questions you haven’t posed before. 


No comments:

Post a Comment