Signed, Sealed and Delivered

Well, sort of. 

You see my exchange application was due on monday. So, submit I did. All thats left is an interview and then… fin. I will soon find out of I get to live my dream or not. I feel as if I should be excited, but I can’t. I feel as if their are so many factors that point to failure so I shouldn’t even bother exciting myself. In fact, all the time I should be spending dreaming about what living on my own in the United Kingdom will be like, i actually spend thinking of what I’ll do with this blog following my impending rejection. God , I wish i wasn’t so self-depricating, but it’s honestly how I feel. 

I mean the experience would be lovely, I’d be close to places I’ve always dreamed of visiting like Wales or Edinburgh. I’d be near places I’ve yearned to revisit like London and I’d be only a few short hours away from continental Europe. I’d be receiving the best education for my field of study, it is honestly everything I’ve ever dreamt of.  And yet, for whatever reason I feel as if these opportunities can not be provided to me, like I don’t deserve it or something. 

I know we spoke previously (and by “we spoke,” i meant “I typed,” and nobody read because this blog is private) about my concerns about my grades, and also about how I hadn’t received my mark back for my Political theory course yet. Well… I finally got it. 

I have an 85, so an 11 on the 12 point scale. This was amazing it was what i hoped for and never expected. This means my sessional (this year average) thus far is a 9. A nine would mean I’d be allowed to go on exchange, in fact, with a nine they’d love that I would go on exchange, except that my cumulative average (which is what they actually care about) is a 6.4. Its frustrating really, knowing now that slacking so hard in first year would cause so many problems for me later. This means that I am .7 grade points away from being able to go on exchange. During my meeting with my academic advisor she said in some circumstances they will take only your sessional average into consideration. I truly hope that is the case. 

It’s difficult to vocalize how much this exchange means to me. What I’d be able to escape by going, the experiences I’d be able to receive by going. In all honesty, I think next year will likely be the worst year of my life if I do not get to go. 

My goodness. I had no intention of this blogpost being so depressing, I do apologize.