Wants and Wills

I don't have any major updates (not necessarily true I recently had a shopping trip in Newcastle and watched a Premier League match in Sunderland, but more details on those later) however I have been feeling many things all of which are quite positive and most of which I want to share. 

I've set out to replace all my wants with wills.

I want to travel and see the world,

I want to laugh everyday

I want to be happy

I want to live an adventure.

I want to be surrounded only by people who love me and bring out the best in me.

I want to keep reminding myself that the only things in life I can control are my thoughts and I want every single one to be positive. 

These past two weeks in the United Kingdom have been so enlightening. I am constantly in awe of what hard work and dedication have brought me. Preparing for this exchange was an emotional ferris-wheel and I am finally at the top overlooking the view and admiring my accomplishments. The opportunity I have has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people and see so many beautiful places in such a short span of time. I can't help but think, if this is only week two how will I feel during week three or four? Month four? Month ten? How much can one trip change me? Obviously a trip can only change you as much as you are willing to be changed but this has really been a catalyst on my journey to happiness and I have never been more excited. 

I will travel and see the world,

I will laugh everyday

I will be happy

I will live an adventure.

I will be surrounded only by people who love me and bring out the best in me.

I will keep reminding myself that the only things in life I can control are my thoughts and I will ensure every single one is positive

xoxo 

ps. It was my birthday last week, I am officially twenty how did that happen? 

Bridesmaid Behind the Lens

Forever ago I mentioned that my older cousin was getting married, well the magical day has come and gone and all thats left of it are the memories that remain, the pictures that were taken and well the new Mr&Mrs that it celebrated. I was lucky enough to be selected as a bridesmaid but in reality I fore-gave all my bridesmaid duties on the day of and voluntarily stayed behind my lens. I wanted to document the pre-wedding preparations as they occurred. This meant grabbing my camera at the crack of dawn and taking pictures of everything as they occurred.

 We rose with the sun that morning with only one goal in mind -making memories.

My aunt and uncle busted out all the stops for their only daughters big day, among the bridesmaid, bride and family members getting married was a camera man who filmed all the shenanigans. 

Along side the camera man they also hired a professional mac make-up artists to pretty us all up. 

Of course after a while I was yelled at for taking so many pictures and not actually getting ready so I had to put my camera down and left the rest of the documenting to the professional, who lets face it, probably did a far better job. It was both a fun and stressful day, and I hope I was able to capture even a fraction of the beauty this day encompasses because believe when I say it was beautiful and the bride looked flawless. Also, you may have noticed I was lacking in any of these pictures however my Instagram is full of shameless selfless from the night so if you're interested give me a follow here

xoxo 

Love Thy Sister

Self-love is an interesting concept. I mean in theory we should all be able to attain it, we should all in some way or another love ourselves. Of course the construct surrounding beauty has made self-love nearly impossible for so many people internationally. The reality is all outlets of media; Movies, commercials photo shoots; they all tend to exhibit a certain type of look thin, tall, long hair etc etc. There are endless articles, ad campaigns and personal blog post that aim to combat this ordeal. Every day women are fighting so that other women can love themselves. (Although I don’t want to isolate other genders or their issues associated with self-love and acceptance this is the only battle I can directly relate to). However today I stopped and asked myself, are we also perpetuating the problem?

Why is it we live in a world where discussing our accomplishments or positive traits is so taboo? Why is it more normal to hear “I look like shit,” than to hear “I feel beautiful,” We are conditioned to constantly express the worst versions of ourselves and disguise the best. I think the most problematic aspect of aiming to achieve self-love is that we instantly sympathize with those who feel low and want them to feel better, and yet when someone is expressing positive traits they are so often judged. As if it is a terrible, horrible act to be proud of the person we are.Is someone only beautiful until they themselves feel it? Once someone feels satisfied with the person they are, are they no longer beautiful but instead a narcissist? If we are standing in the way of someone else's path to self-love chances are we are all too familiar with someone standing in our own. Maybe the first solution to loving yourself is to love your sisters?  

It is my greatest belief that above all else we should support one another. We should tell all women they are beautiful whether they feel it or not. And if someone feels lovely, if they like their hair or their dress or just simply the person they are we should support that. We should be pushing more women to be confident and powerful and not be bringing others down because we feel threatened or are having a particularly bad day. Above all else positivity breeds happiness please remember that. 

xox

A Beginners Guide to Introversion … ?

This s not a post dedicated to guiding people through introversion. Instead, I seek guidance as it has recently come to my attention that I am an introvert.

 

I’ve always believed myself to be an extroverted person. I’ve made friends easily; I’m fairly talented at making first impressions and hey, I’ve always faired well at public speaking and presentations. I thought this made me an extrovert. This is what the media constructed world has led us to believe right? People persons are extroverts, and everyone who isn’t lucky enough to have such sought after traits are introverts. We should aim to be extroverted, to go parties, to be well liked. We should walk into a room wanting all heads to turn in our direction and we are meant to thrive off of said attention, are we not?  We should be extroverted. Of course no one likes to be told what to do and not meeting such criteria can be upsetting, so to combat this the internet did what the internet does best and flipped this and constructed a new norm. Instead of seeking to be an extrovert, awkward kids with a stutters became the new “it.” Fuck the extroverts. They chorus through their rampant blog posts about how being alone is a vital stop on the journey to self-comprehension. Fuck the kids who would rather go to a party then watch the latest Scorsese film, their followers agree, beginning to grasp that social activities don’t define happiness and whatever brings one true joy should be explored. For introverts like to be alone, introverts like to read and like to justify their content with being alone by accusing all extroverts as simply trying to fill the void knowledge has left them in the hope of accumulating popularity. We live in a world where introverts and extroverts are dichotomies, quite like happy and sad. As obviously the spectrum of human emotions have left us with only happy and sad to truly define how we feel.

 

 Unfortunately for the most part this was my novice understanding of introversion and extroversion and their role in human personalities. Funny enough on a Saturday night (where I left a friends text message un-answered because I simply didn’t feel like going to a bar) I found myself doing a personality test, INTJ was the result. Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging. Not necessarily traits I’d associate with myself. Well judging maybe , but not in the sense that this test implied. To ensure this result was accurate i did this test multiple times, changed some answers I was on the fence of and yet my personality remained the same. I mean, yes I like to read and I do enjoy watching films and maybe some of my preferred activities are quite solidary. But that is not to say that every week I’d avoid text messages because my one true friend is my MacBook, no sometimes more than anything I want to drown myself in the attention of others and let their admirations and discussions of me grow into a life sized version of myself so that I too can fawn over it (I am deeply regretting that sentence and yet I can’t bring myself to delete it). And really the in depth analysis looked at rationality, and practicality and basically told me I was a genius with emotional issues (half true) but I just couldn’t identify with all of it. Some of it yes, but other parts felt so foreign and unlike me, I felt it really was inaccurate.

 

 

I’ve come to understand the introversion doesn’t mean anti-social it means expanding energy and levels of comfort. However, I’ve found levels of comfort to be based far more on situation than on disposition. I think what I’m trying to say in this drawn out post that got quite offensive quite quickly is that personality is fluid, and maybe it doesn’t necessarily lean in one direction. Or maybe mine just is.  Maybe instead of asking whether I consider myself a “dreamer,” or being “down-to-earth,” I should ask myself why some days I am anything but rational and down to earth and why other days I suppress my greatest dreams in exchange for rationality. Why is it someday all I want is everyone’s attention and others all I want it to really know myself? I just can’t imagine that any person genuinely feels completely and utterly comfortable putting themselves in a box of sixteen and expect every trait listed under their sub-heading to fit. Of course, this complete and utter over analysis does seem to fit the shoes of an INTJ. But can we honestly say we don’t read into the result we get (ie. I did kind of feel this  way that one time, omg I am an INTJ). Maybe all people don’t have this issue with personality test, I mean a fault of an INTJ is that we apparently have issues grasping emotions and appropriate behavior that can not be calculated and maybe this is just one of those moments. Maybe I’m just a little bit confused because this test has spelled me out to be someone I don’t really recognize, but maybe that can just be attributed to growth. Maybe I am changing? But, wouldn’t that indicate that personality is in fact fluid, maybe I should take this test every few months to really see my growth and development. I’ve come to realize I hate receiving an answer from personality test, I honestly don’t care if I’m and introvert or an extrovert, I mean what does it matter in anyway?  I am officially putting them in the same box as horoscopes, however I do appreciate it for taking me on this journey of introspection. I’ve found that the best part about doing a personality test is your learn a lot about yourself, although not in the matter the test had hoped. And even if it leaves you with more questions than answers, at least they are questions you haven’t posed before. 

 

 

 

 

 

The Battle of Yesterday and Tomorrow Against Today.

“You live in the past and the future, you spend no time in the present,”

My younger sister said this to me the other day and it really struck a cord with me. I think part of the reasons this resonates with me so much is because in no way was she aiming to be philosophic or pensive, we were simply having a general conversation over some Ice Caps (a Canadian delicacy consisting of blended iced coffee and cream, like a Frappuccino only better and cheaper) and she made an observation. Now, as an older sister I never ever tell my younger siblings when I agree with them. In fact in my mind none of my siblings have ever been right. Still,I'd be lying if I said this sentence hadn’t left me thinking. I'll admit I do spend a lot of time thinking about the past and future. Especially the future, but I’ve never thought this was something other people were able to pick-up on. I tend to (sometimes obsessively) plan my life out. I’m a notorious list maker but I’ve always seen this as being the only viable option. If you don’t have everything planned out, how will anything happen? How can anyone be expected to reach success without planning out his or her entire journey? I mean yes, being goal oriented is definitely a concept I’d associate with myself. And sure, often my goal orientation leads me to ensuring every action I take and every decision I make results in me reaching my goal. And maybe, when things go sour I reflect on the past decisions semi-obsessively and analyze where they went wrong and how I can reassess these decisions and determine success is achieved in the end, but is that so bad? In my eyes, like I would imagine, in many other these are in no way a fault, in fact many would see them as  extremely positive characteristics in moderation (wouldn’t they?). But, as I’ve come to realize life is made up of little nows and if I spend all my time thinking about tomorrow and yesterday is that not a wasted today?

            

I’m saving money for a rainy day, I’m getting the best education possible because this is supposed to benefit me in the long run. These are both great and responsible things. I bet in ten years twenty-nine year old Salma will look back at these decisions and she will be so grateful that nineteen year old Salma was responsible and level-headed and made realistic adult decisions. But what is nineteen-year-old Salma doing right now that makes nineteen year old Salma happy? What current actions am I taking that will cause nineteen-year-old Salma to pause and think “God I love my life,”

I want to spend more time thinking about how happy I am right now and less time thinking about how happy I will eventually be. I am aiming to; no I will start making my moments count. I mean sure, planning for tomorrow is important but eventually we will all run out of tomorrows and all we will have is today. Right?